I CALLED IT AS SELF RESPECT

I have been doubting to myself. To write or not to write about this. On the second thoughts, no harm done, isn't it?
To lose someone or something beyond our imagination, it does sickening me. In and out. But I believe in my creator, The Almighty. The One who is The Most Knowing. All I know that He had a reason for everything happened.  most of the time Sometimes I was wondering why the person had to leave me?
Am I not good enough?  All this while, we are indeed in a good terms. That is what exactly what I thought, 결국에 나만 혼자서 착각하는 구나
Come across to my mind, that someone is not a crap or as bad as they seem to be. It just maybe.. Maybe Allah SWT know, if we stay together the cons will be damaging us even more. That's what I keep on telling myself. Wahhh seems Nur Ain Maisarah is cool enough to accept the reality right?
Hell no. Seriously I'm telling you. I'm hurt, I am bleeding inside, I was broken into pieces. It is not right to keep yourself in a toxic situation. I let myself cried. I gave myself time to "adapting" with the new way of being alone ( Guess I am doing good than it was expected ). I let myself heal in times and I made up my mind to put an end to this.
The pros of this separation is hmmm... It wasn't easy to be thoughts into words. It might kills heart when the words was not deliver in a right manner. 
$@#%^&*!
Plot twist, staying by forced was not a good move neither. The other party is not happy ( That is considered as Premise 1). Pretending nothing nothing is happened ended up myself and my heart to be exact to be drown in a false hope ( Premise 2). Conclusion : Both party is and will not happy.

Ladies got feelings and instinct, lads. I started to have awkward feeling ever since I was returned from Beijing. I bottled it all up ( Anger, Sad, unfair etc feelings ) as I was on the trip previously and this super stupid things shall never ruined it. After that, I was able to grasp the real picture and get to know the actual situation. I tried to put a blame. My logic is if the third party has not come we shall never be like this. The thoughts is inconsistent. There are the days I was pissed off that I feel no matter how lowly the third party is "seducing" that someone, If that someone really does value me as a person, that someone shall never be shaken by anything or anyone that is coming between us. My heart screaming in silence. At this point, this is when this stuff hurts me the most, which is I was never or maybe no longer the someone's first option ( maybe I never been the first option ). Myself is telling me, to get a grip of the stand that I'm standing in my life. No point of blaming anyone in this case. It just happened, and if Allah tak izin, all these sicks things wouldn't be happened.  처음 부터 안 만났었어야되는데 분명히 뭔가 있어

Thus, I do nothing. 

I stop being clingy, I stop chasing and searching, I stop calling. I called it as a self respect. I'm disrespected myself for quite a long time and I think it is the time to respect | protect my own feelings from hurts. After all, I am granting someone's request to get over me. This is the most, at least I can do for someone that I loves unconditionally, whereby granting their wish for being free. For not having me by their side is sources of their happiness, then I choose not to be selfish.
and I let that someone left ...
Separating and walk away in our own separate path was never easy. It never will. But still a good choice rather than staying by side and kill the hearts. I wish to stay and keep on like, you know.. Working out to make this thing works. Came to realization, not all things is under our control. It hit me when I know I was no longer in that "right" to say or even asking my right to be return. Was it ever been mine? I know that I really need to let things happened as it flows, keep the faith and ask a prayer none others except to Allah SWT.
안돼는건 안돼는거야
currently, I am Re-routing the life path to the original plan. I was having my own plan previously. I'm ready to settled down by keeping the plan as a dream. Indeed I can feel like Allah has given me another paths so that I was eventually directed to the original plan.  Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah.

SEE? Allah is the best. He open the other door when the situations seems to be no way out of it. Dia tak kejam and His helps was never late. It just in time.
As I am preparing the next stage of achievement in my life, doakan ye. Moga nanti proposal untuk doctorate and scholarship dipermudahkan. This is one of my doa in Raudhah and in front of Kaabah. Insyaallah, Allah will make a way for me.
영국이나 한국이나 상관 없어 지금. 합격 하고 장학금만 잡으면 돼 ㅋㅋ